I can tuck mytits in my pants
Its about making memories worth repressing
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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