An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
