There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
