fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
