i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
