nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
