Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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