I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
