Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

so you masturbated because Oprah told you?

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(541): View more from Oregon

I heard you threw up in your lap?

(1-541): View more from Oregon

I heard that too.

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(818): View more from California

remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,

(702): View more from Nevada

Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.

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(614): View more from Ohio

He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help

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(631): View more from New York

He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?

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(716): View more from New York

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?

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(214): View more from Texas

You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.

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(276): View more from Virginia

LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.

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(501): View more from Arkansas

I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!

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