So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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