It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
