Just fell off a train. Bad.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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