And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
