I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
