forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
