This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
