Do you still have your period?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
