He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
