I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
