he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
