Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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