youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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