It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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