Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
