Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
