I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
