OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
