I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
