my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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