I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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