So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
