just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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