She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
