like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
