I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
