The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
