jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
