Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
