I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
