Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
