Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
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