this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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