I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
