The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
