i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
