life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
