Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
