hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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