im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
