so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
